Spending one on one time with your spouse or kids can be difficult in a big family. Let’s discuss many of the ways Sam and I spend quality time together to keep our friendship and marriage a top priority. As well as ideas for how we spend quality time with our kids during a given week.
Quality Time with My Spouse
Over the years Sam and I have had to get creative when it comes to spending time together with or without the kids around. This is a list of some ways we are able to make quality time together happen.
Hire a Babysitter OR Ask Grandparents for Help
Over the years we have had to do a combination of the two. At times we have lived nearby Grandparents and would ask if they minded watching one or two or all the kids so Sam and I could go out for dinner or grab lunch. Usually, we pair a fun meal with some errands we need to run so we can accomplish more. Currently we live near my parents and at least once a month we are able to leave the kids with them and head out for a night on the town. Just last week we enjoyed each other’s company while grabbing dinner at McAlister’s. Getting an oil change for our Ford 12 Passenger Van. Picking up our CSA and browsing a local Co- Op Grocery store nearby. Then we grabbed coffee and dessert from my favorite local Coffee Shop before heading home.
For a season while we lived in Tennessee, we had a wonderful young lady that would come watch the kids a few times a month. Sometimes she was available in the morning and other times in the evening so Sam and I could go out together without kids present. This was a wonderful help especially during the Holidays or Birthday season so we could shop without kids present.
Spend Evenings Together after Kids are in Bed
Some ways we make this work are by planning an at home Date Night on Friday evenings. We make sure to have the kids in bed by 7:30 p.m. at the latest. They listen to Adventures in Odyssey while we quickly clean up and prepare for the next day. Then we begin our date around 8:00 p.m. Another day during the week we will relax and either sit together or cuddle on the couch and watch TV.
Other nights of the week we may talk and do some planning if we have things we need to discuss. Such as the upcoming week’s schedule. Maybe plan the coming week’s Date Night at home or one where my parents will watch the kids. The ever-fun Budget Meeting. Discuss and plan a kid’s Birthday or Holiday activities we want to do as a family. Talk about goals for the upcoming New Year or more realistically discussing Goals for the current year in March. 🙂
We also will complete random tasks together. For example, decorating for a Birthday or wrapping gifts. Prepping for the next day if we are going to be heading out of the house to go somewhere. I discuss what this looks like for us in Big Family Logistics (Part Seven)- Travel and Vacation.
Sit Together
This may seem overly lame, but Sam and I try to make it a point to always sit together. Whether that be at the table when we have dinner as a family. On the couch watching TV with the kids or after everyone is in bed and we are watching our TV shows together. In the car while we are out and about. The only time this may not happen is when we have a newborn. For a time, I will sit by the new baby and one of the older kids get to sit with Sam in the front seat. Since I do sit in the bench right behind Sam, we try to hold hands if possible.
If we are at an event whether that be a Baby Shower, Holiday Party, etc. we always try to sit together so we can sneak a few minutes of Quality Time together. However, without fail whenever we do sit together one or numerous kids will come sit by us, between us, climb on us, etc. Our 2-year-old Anderson always makes a point of squeezing between us if we are sitting together. We laugh and joke that he must have taken it upon himself to be our chaperone.
Walk Together
If the weather allows most nights, we take a walk as a family and head to a play area in our apartment complex. On these walks we try to hold hands and talk while the kids run ahead on the sidewalk. Sometimes we are even able to talk for a few minutes until a kid wants to let us know of an injustice that has been done. Such as a child running farther ahead than they were supposed to. Someone taking a rock that they saw first. Or a kid just wants to share something with us while the other siblings are distracted.
Talk while Kids play OutSide
In the evenings when we go outside to play, Sam and I will work out together and talk while the kids run around and play. Like during our walks we are of course met with a million interruptions. Sometimes we are gifted a few minutes of uninterrupted dialogue. During this time Sam can tell me about his day and vice versa.
Do an Activity Together
A few activities that Sam and I do together for some additional Quality Time is Work Out. In the evenings once he is home, we have eaten dinner, and if the weather allows, then we head out with the kids, weights, and some toys to enjoy time outside until the streetlights come on. Completing House Projects. This may look like Decluttering the Apartment. Painting a Bedroom. Packing for a Move. Setting Up the Baby Space for a new arrival.
Work on chores that need to be done. Just last night we were listening to music, and folding laundry with Olivia. Once a week after the kids are in bed we will work together and clean the apartment. We each have certain tasks we do, and often times Olivia will ask to help thus breaking up the work even more. Maybe you could find a Hobby you would both enjoy…. like leather working, gardening, hiking, etc. Currently our hobby is going to bed before 10:30 p.m. if a baby will allow ha!
Middle of the Night Chats
During our current reality with many young children this is an unexpected way that Sam and I can spend quality time together. Some nights I may be up with the baby when another child needs some cuddles as well so Sam will tend to that child. While we are cuddling kids, we may either enjoy the quiet. Smile at each other while we secretly dream of sleep. Or sometimes if we are both wide awake and it is apparent we won’t be going to sleep anytime soon then we will just talk about whatever is on our mind.
There have been times if we are both up and talking then before we know it a few hours have passed, and it is time to begin our day. If the kids aren’t up yet, then Sam will go get us breakfast so we can extend our chat into a morning breakfast date. While we may be dragging the rest of the day it is fun to start the day like this together.
Quality Time with Kids
Spending quality time with your kids may not always mean one on one dates out of the house. Below are a few ways we make quality time with our kids happen regularly.
Staying Up Late
Once a month we let the older kids take turns staying up late with just Sam, myself, and Baby Micah to watch a movie of their choice. Recently this looked like Olivia getting to stay up after we had put all the boys to bed so we could watch Moana 2 the day it aired on Disney+. Needless to say, it was all she could talk about that day. Sam even took her up the road to Dairy Queen as ice cream was her movie snack of choice.
If the kids have an upcoming birthday, then about 6 weeks out, we pick a night for them to stay up late to discuss and plan their birthday with us. We ask them their theme. What dessert they would like. We don’t always do Birthday cake because when you have 5 birthdays, plus 2 extended family member’s birthdays, Easter and Mother’s Day all mixed in a two-month span that is ALOT of cake! Birthday dinner request. Some gifts they would appreciate. Who all is invited to their party, etc. The kids enjoy having our ear and telling us in detail how they envision their Birthday Party. It is funny to see how their different personalities plan for their upcoming birthdays. Some kids come to the Birthday “Meeting” with all the details planned out. Others figure it out as we talk.
Run Errands
Running errands is a GREAT way to spend quality time with your kids. This may look like doing a Grocery Pick Up. Mailing packages or buying stamps at the Post Office. Dropping off returns at UPS, etc. While it may seem like a hassle to chart a kid along it can turn into a wonderful bonding experience. We have one boy who to tends to be on the shyer side compared to older siblings, but when he is by himself, he become a CHATTERBOX! I am talking from the moment you pull out of the driveway until you come back home. He does NOT stop talking, asking questions, or pointing out what he sees during the drive. It is hilarious!
Special Dates
Plan a Special Date with your kid as a fun outing. Every year for Valentine’s Day Sam will take Olivia out to a restaurant of her choosing while the boys and I stay home to enjoy pizza and a movie. Olivia talks for days before about what she will wear. What food she will order, etc. The boys just want to know they are getting a tasty dessert and what movie are we watching. If time allows, we also try to take kids out for Birthday Dates. Usually this involves a meal and a trip to a store where they want to spend some gifted Birthday money. Sometimes this means kids sharing the same Birthday month have to plan an outing together, but it is still a way to get more of Dad and Mama’s attention without ALL siblings present.
Since Olivia and I are massively outnumbered day to day we will try to sneak away from some Mother Daughter time during the month. This may look like going Thrifting. Grabbing coffee (well coffee for me and a lemonade for her) and browsing a bookstore. Other times we will plan a Girl’s Day with my Mom and make it a day of shopping, eating, and enjoying each other’s company. A few months back Sam and I took Olivia out and did our seasonal clothing shopping for the family. Then we treated her to lunch and a fun shopping spree at Clarie’s where she was able to pick out some accessories to go with the outfits she just got. Shh don’t tell the boys!
Cuddle + Read
This is one that can be done on a daily basis to make your kids feel loved, secure, and enjoy some one-on-one time with Mom or Dad. My three younger boys do this with me daily. Whether that be just wanting to sit and cuddle awhile or bringing me a book to read to them while we cuddle together. Sometimes the older boys want a few minutes to sit and cuddle Mama as well. There are days when my brain tells me I have too much to do and can’t spare the time to slow down and enjoy these moments. I always remind myself that one day the boys will be older and too busy to sit for a few minutes with Mama. So, for now my To Dos can wait because my boys need me 🙂
Daily Big Helper
A few years ago, when we began homeschooling, we assigned each kid a day to be the Big Helper. I can’t remember why we started this, but the kids love it thus it has stuck. This involves being Mom’s Assistant for the day. Helping to pick the days snack, dinner or dessert and even prepare them with me. Pass out cups or plates at meals. Pick out the Baby’s clothes in the morning. Check the mail with Dad. Open Packages, if we have any. Run errands if Dad has somewhere to go. Pick a show to watch if we have TV time. Select the outside toys when we go play after dinner, etc. We also give the Big Helper a group hug when we start our day after prayer, and they get a kick out of this!
What are some ways you make quality time happen in your family?
Please share with us in the comments. Or check out more from our Big Family Logistics Series.
Thanks for stopping by!
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