My husband, Sam, has experienced many births over the years as we have 8 children together. With our two oldest girls from his first marriage, Sam experienced hospital births. Whereas the 6 children we have welcomed during our 8 years of marriage were all results of home births. In this guest post I asked Sam to discuss the differences and his point of view on hospital births vs home births. There may be some of you thinking that this answer is a given however let me set the record straight… My conventional husband was NOT in favor of home births when I presented him with the idea 8 years ago. I hope you enjoy hearing Sam’s perspective on hospital births vs. home births.
Labor Begins
At the Hospital
Labor with my first child started around midnight and thus began the trek to the hospital for my first hospital birth. We arrived at the hospital and check in was fairly easy. A lot of information to be given, but it was still smooth and easy. A Nurse got us in a room and situated the best you can in a hospital. We probably got there a little too early because my daughter was not born until sometime midafternoon the next day. During that time of waiting there were a lot of people coming and going. There was no real chance to rest or catch your breath because just as you were getting settled or relaxed, someone would come in and disturb you. Sure, they were doing their job, but there was still no rest.
Hospital births are difficult because you are already nervous going in as you anticipate bringing your child into the world. But face it, hospitals in general are nerve racking. They are associated with sickness, pain, and death. Then there are the machines. The sterile white or khaki walls. Weird lighting. The food in the cafeteria is worse than what you get at a high school cafeteria. It does not make the process any easier because your senses are already heightened. Then there is all the paperwork to fill out so that if something goes wrong, the hospital cannot be held liable. You know, if the mother wants an epidural, you have to sign a waiver that is a page or longer of jargon you don’t understand, but essentially it is saying you won’t sue the hospital if they injure, paralyze, kill, or harm the child in any way. You know, things that are likely to rattle your already anxious nerves.
At Home
Let me now shift to my first home birth which was with my third child. When Amelia approached me with the idea of doing a home birth, after I had previously done two hospital births with my two children from my first marriage, I know I gave her a look that said you must be crazy. If anything, TV and movies have conditioned us to think that childbirth is the worst thing in the world without medicine or drugs. There is no way you can possibly have a natural childbirth so why bother. In my mind, there was no going back if you got in the middle of this and needed some pain relief. It was a NO for me at first.
However, Amelia set up a consultation with a local Midwife, after she had read multiple books on homebirths, and done her research. We came home that evening and discussed the idea further, and I realized her mind was made up. So, we were now going to be “those” people who did homebirths. I can honestly say, the experience was never relaxing either, but it was far more comfortable. That was because it was our bed, our room, our possessions, and our food. The Midwife came to us once labor was progressing. There were no machines, weird lights, or papers to sign your life away or your significant other and unborn child’s life.
Delivery of Baby
At the Hospital
At the hospital, once things began to progress, a group of Nurses came in and started preparing the room and brought in more machines. The Nurse administering the epidural came in and had me sign the papers. Then stuck this giant needle into my Ex’s spine. Nerve racking. Mind you at this point, we had not seen the Doctor that was going to be delivering the baby. Even more nerve racking!
As the pushing and breathing begins you are kind of pushed out the way so that the trained professionals can do what you were taught to do in Parenting Classes you are encouraged to take at a hospital. The Doctor comes in at the last minute and tells the mother to push some more as if she had not already been. All of the sudden, your child is here. Sounds overly simple, and to a degree it is. Not for the mother of course, but for everyone else.
At Home
At home, as things progress, you monitor the time between contractions, and when they are close enough, you call your Midwife to start heading your way. When she arrives, she allows the mother to move around or do whatever she prefers to do while laboring. Better than being hooked up to machines and having to lay on your back and stare at the ceiling. While the mother is laboring the way she wants, the Midwife is prepping the room with clean sheets, cleaning supplies, medical tools or other devices she and an assistant may need.
Once the mother is at ten centimeters, she is allowed to push if she wants or wait until her body is ready to do the work, instead of wasting her energy on pushing because she is told to. As, the significant other, you are allowed to be right by their side and doing whatever is asked of you by your spouse. You even have the option of catching the baby when the time comes. Your options to assist during labor and delivery are endless with a Midwife. Her goal is to keep the mother as relaxed and comfortable as possible during the process rather than catch a baby, hand it off to a waiting Nurse, and move on to the next patient.
Postpartum Care
At the Hospital
At the hospital, there really is no such thing as postpartum care. You are a number and a dollar sign. They want you in and out. Your epidural wears off 24 hours after being administered. You feel good until it wears off and your body becomes aware that you just pushed a baby out of your neither region. The only thing they can off you is Ibuprofen and the exit. They cover some information with you, but once you walk out of those doors, you are on your own. No one to call except to set up an appointment or go back to the ER to get help. My honest opinion for mothers, is that there is no such thing as postpartum care at the hospital. There is no care or concern for the mother or the child unless something is significantly wrong. It’s a shame, but it is reality.
At Home
At home, there is genuine postpartum care. After the baby is born, the Midwife stays for two hours or more after to ensure the bleeding has slowed, and the mother has gone to the restroom, had some proper nutrition, and baby has latched on to eat. She walks you through all of the scenarios to watch out for and be concerned about during the first 24 hours after birth for mother and child. What the mother is allowed to do and not to do. What the significant other needs to do to help the mother with. The Midwife then comes back to your house 24 or 48 hours later, a week later, and they continue that care for up to two months after the baby is born. You are not just a number or pushed out the door to make room for the next patient or dollar sign.
Final Word on Hospital Births and Home Births
I would advise expectant parents to do your research. Do not be swayed by family, friends, or articles on the internet. Do your own research and make up your own mind about hospital births or home births. I went through two hospital births, and each one was different, but ultimately still the same. The care is just not there. People are in and out of your room all night, so you cannot rest. They take your baby to a different room, and bring it back when you ask, or they feel like the baby needs to be fed. The baby doesn’t stay with you.
I have now been through six home births, and just like hospital births, can I say they are nerve racking? Sure. I have struggled with the idea of if something goes wrong and what my wife being transported to the hospital while in labor would look like. Thankfully we have never had to experience that. But in my opinion, we have had the best Midwives. They are caring, professional, knowledgeable, and most of all trustworthy because they have my wife’s best interest at heart. They have always been there and come through for us. With a home birth, I don’t have to worry about where my baby is because they are in my room. The baby eats when they want. The baby can be held by my wife whenever she wants because it is our house. In the beginning, I was not on board with home births, but now, I pray that we never need to have a hospital birth if God allows us to have more children.
Looking to Read Other Guest Posts from Sam?
Check out his Advice for Expectant OR New Fathers from a Dad of 8. Happy Reading!
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