With Father’s Day coming up please enjoy this is a guest post from my husband, Sam. As father to our eight children, I asked him what he would tell his younger self expecting his first baby. Here is his advice for expectant or new fathers…
So, you are a dad expecting a baby. What are the most important things for expectant or new fathers to know? Here is the shortest answer I can give you, there is nothing that you need to know, and there is nothing that you can do. The baby is coming whether you are ready. Whether that be financially, mentally, physically, or spiritually ready, that baby is coming. So, let’s solve that one right out of the gate. The baby is coming. Now, with that said, if I had a Delorean, there are somethings I would go back and tell my younger self, as I was expecting baby number one.
Your Wife is Your World
This seems elementary, but as men, we have our times where we focus on our jobs, or our needs. You have to remember, your wife is the one going through all of the physical changes, and emotional changes. You will have some just because life is changing, but always keep in mind, she carries the physical and the emotional. She is the one experiencing the most change. So, for you, she is the most important thing and reality. That means, there is no more staying late for work, golf, cars, motorcycles, boy’s nights or trips. Your wife is your world and reality.
Time Flies with Kids
Like the old saying goes, “Time flies with kids, one minute they are in diapers, and the next they are grown and gone.” This has been one of the truest statements that has ever been made. So, cherish your children. Don’t see them as a drain or an annoyance to your life but cherish them as the gift that they are. Is it challenging? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Cherish it because one day they will be gone. We talk about not living life with regrets when it comes to sports, jobs, or fleeting passions and treasures, but not cherishing your kids, will leave you with one of the biggest regrets you cannot fix nor change. So, cherish your kids.
Your Child is Not Fragile
Go ahead and prepare yourself that you will make mistakes. There was one time that we had our children at the park, and we were playing on the slide, and our youngest daughter was going down the slide with the help of Mama, and as she came down the slide with a huge grin on her face, anticipating that I was going to catcher her, and then poof! Right through my hands she went and straight to the ground on her tooshie and back. She cried for a moment, and I felt like the world’s biggest failure. After I realized that she was not going to be paralyzed for the rest of her life, I learned that children are resilient, and they bounce back. So, remember, they are not fragile.
Your Children are Not You
My final piece of advice for expectant or new fathers is they may be one half of your DNA, but they are not you. Let them be who God made them to be. Don’t force them to be or do things that they are not interested in. God made them unique, let them live that out. They are gifted with different personalities and desires than what you may have been gifted with. Be their biggest supporter and safety net. Love them for them.
These are just a few thoughts I wish I had known sooner or thought through more as my kids have grown up and are growing up. So, with that said, I want to leave you with this encouragement, and that is, no matter what comes at you, you got this. Nothing in life will cause you to grow, change, and experience joy like having children, so embrace it and enjoy.
Have more advice for expectant or new fathers? Please share in the comments. Or if you are looking for advice for expectant OR new mothers? Read what my wife, Amelia, has to say to say in her post Advice to Expectant and New Mothers.
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